When

Tuesday 5th August, 2014: 5:30am - 6:30am

Where

River Room

Speakers

Session Summary

First Dog on the Moon

This wrap up reminded us of the themes that emerged throughout the Champions of Change conference and involved some endangered mammals and interesting commentary.

Audio podcast

 

Transcript

ROBYN GAILE:
Now it is with great pleasure that i would like to ask to come to the microphone First Dog on the Moon to get the walkley award winning cartoonist from the guardian to give us a rousing finale address.

(applause)

FIRST DOG:
Hello thank you so much for having me here today. I am First Dog on the Moon. I’m the Guardian Australia’s editorial cartoonist. I do a few other things, public speaking like this, a bit of radio but mostly cartooning.

The image on the screen here it’s entitled Strengthening Disability Advocacy the First Dog on the Moon Way with your host the First Dog on the Moon which is me. The picture you see before you or don’t see as the case may be and this is a learning curve for me so bear with me, is my dog Peanut in a space suit. He is a Whipper Jack Russell Cross and it’s actually photo shopped. I took a photograph of a Nasa astronaut and I put the dogs head on in front and then put the whole thing in front of an Australian flag. I think it’s a patriotic and stirring image and appropriate for what we’re doing here today because it is an honour for me to be here.

Clearly, everyone has had a lovely time and it’s great for you to have had the opportunity to get together at the conference. While I’m not really an advocate and if I do  have a disability as they say it is undisclosed yet I still feel that we share in common that we’re united in the one thing which is that I’m also someone who attends conferences and I’m also someone who eats all the little mints.

I have an extensive research team back at the First Dog on the Moon Institute but they didn’t tell me it was jellybeans. On the screen at the moment is a cartoon that took a couple of hours to put together. It is a picture of a stupid little mints, there are four of them, googly eyes and standing there but clearly, the joke is wasted because everybody is eating jellybeans.

I remain still united with you all in our cause together because I attend conferences and I get annoyed like you do no doubt today, because the only two sessions I really want to see are scheduled at the same time. Like this afternoon at 1.30 both sessions Change Everything Not Just Your Socks and Spare Change, No I Only Have a $20 were both on at the same time.

On the screen is a picture of me drawn as a dog looking at the program for the conference. For those of you not familiar with my work one thing you will learn today is that I only really draw dogs. One reason is that dogs are already funny, before you even started. You open up a cartoon there is a talking dog, who doesn’t like a talking dog? I’m already ahead there. Secondly, because dogs and animals can get away with saying all sorts of really terrible things that people can’t. If you draw people saying them, it’s just not the same.

Here is an example. On the screen, we have two pictures, one is the worst picture I could find of the Prime Minister. If you are casting someone to be a killer in a movie, it’s a very dark picture he is actually very wet. I think he has come out of the surf and if that’s not creepy, I don’t know what is and he has side way eyes. Next to him is a woylie, which I drew myself it’s not a photograph. It’s also known as the Brush Tail Bettong, you can see it’s adorable. It’s an extremely rare small marsupial the scientific name is Buttongia pencillata. There is a speech balloon above both of them and they’re both saying the same thing, which is – we are committed in providing protection from discrimination for people with a disability and we’ll continue to provide a strong voice to the disability community, which is why we sacked the Disability Commissioner.

Now for me when I look at the Prime Minister saying that, even though it’s a stupid cartoon it makes me cross. But when I look at the woylie saying it, it becomes ridiculous and surreal. I don’t know why that works but I make a living out of it so there you go.

There is no particular meaning to be attributed to someone being drawn as a dog or a chicken or a piece of cheese. Sometimes there is, it’s sort of complicated. I draw Barnaby Joyce as a pumpkin scone for instance but that’s kind of self-explanatory. In this image, there is just some examples there is a dog on the left as I draw them, brown with googly eyes, there is a chicken that’s a sort of chicken colour. There is a piece of cheese standing there with little legs and googly eyes it’s kind of cute. Next to that is a pineapple, which is also looking out to everybody and standing there on not very well drawn legs.

I did a cartoon about Gaza recently which is don’t worry that’s a conversation for another time but it’s a complicated process because you can’t just go around drawing people of the Muslim faith as dogs. They might find it offensive and I will talk a bit more about political correctness later on, I’m a big fan of it if you’re wondering.

As I was preparing for this and I did it before and wanted to mention it again, what you will see here and I was at home going what am I talking about because look I’m not sure that they’ve got the right person to do this today. I’m very nice but I know less about disability advocacy than everyone else in the room, probably even than the furniture because it’s at least been here for the last two days. But I have still learnt a great deal preparing for today, which is great for me. I might not be the right person but it is really too late now.

So why are we here today? All right so you may have reasonably assumed and that’s the heading on this particular slide here, you may have reasonably assumed that my job today is to stand up here and talk about myself. I’ve been pretty good at that. It’s a nice way to make a living, which isn’t just it. It’s also for me to take the last two days and wrap it all up in a neat little summarised bow, tell a few jokes about how Denis and Tony are trashing the NDIS and to make everyone feel like they’ve achieved something more than just sitting around and complaining about funding, public transport and eating the musk sticks.

For example, the things that I understand are key issues. The NDIS is being implemented and everyone’s a bit freaked out, very important reform. There is uncertainty. In this image there is a dog holding it’s little arms in the air and it looks really uncertain, I think I’ve captured the mood there.

The Victorian State Disability Plan is a year old, so it’s having a birthday and there’s a chicken with a party hat and a piece of cake and we could sing Happy Birthday but we won’t.

We’ve got the Tony Government which has been in office for almost a year and it’s first budget is I think interesting is a good word. There’s a piece of cheese also waving it’s arms in the air and it’s saying in this image that we’re all going to die which is possibly an overreaction but cheese is like that isn’t it.

Finally, a pineapple there is a State Election coming in November, the pineapple is holding up a little sign that says Vote 1 Fruit and I think there is something in that for all of us.

Clearly, it is a really important busy time for people working in disability advocacy, it’s a challenging time for people living with disability. It’s a challenging time for people working as cartoonists. It’s an amazing time. We are really having a lot of fun there is so much material. I get up every day and I just don’t know what to draw because there’s whoa, anyway.

I want to start talking about a cartoon that I did last year, which I think is kind of the reason why I’m here today. I met Stella Young who you may know, one day at the ABC. We were both being interviewed for something and we got to chatting and I marvelled at her electric wheelchair because it was totally retro, it was really cool like something out of a  1950s Russian submarine.

I didn’t realise at the time that that actually wasn’t a good thing. She said no this is a pretty ancient chair I can’t afford a new one and getting the Government to help pay for something like a new chair is very hard to do. $22,000 was the sum and I was like really $22,000 is a lot of money but what else are they going to spend it on, The Attorney General’s bookcases?

So this was the cartoon and I’m going to go through it because it’s kind of what I do really. It’s a twelve-frame cartoon so it’s pretty long, bear with me. It’s a twelve frame with a big header and the top frame well there is two top frames, there is the one I can see here which is tiny and then the one I can see here which is enormous but it’s over there. I can’t actually read either of them and I’m going to have to think about this for a minute because if I go over there I won’t be on the microphone and I will have to yell and I will also be facing away from the stage.

ROBYN GAILE:
WE COULD GIVE YOU A ROVING MIC.

FIRST DOG:
Yes, that would be exciting. I love everyone here this is fantastic. Alright let’s try this. It’s like a cabaret.

(laughter)

There are four images at the top of this particular cartoon. One of them is a dog, a brown dog. There is an angry fish thing. There is what appears to be a marsupial of some sort I think it’s a bandicoot. Each one has a speech bubble above it. Like I said my cartoons are long, bear with me.

The dog is saying- how is the nation going to fund the National Disability Insurance Scheme thingy? The angry fish is saying – Julia, I always call her July because that’s funny, is going to make us pay more taxes to pay for this that is how. She says – I didn’t vote for any of these people to be disabled, so why should my taxes have to pay for it?

Finally, the marsupial is saying – $22,000 for a wheelchair, my car cost that much and I don’t drive around complaining about how I can’t walk so why do these people get chairs?

(laughter)

Champagne satire people. Under that it says what are some of the alternative ways to raise $12 billion so we don’t have to slug Australia’s greedy whinges and listen to them whinging greedily.  That sort of worked. We did that and this, we’re having a brief technical hitch….Now we’re going to go through the twelve ways that the country could raise $12 billion for the NDIS.

The first way is to put a tax on greedy whinging. I think that would work pretty well. There is two dogs on that frame, one is from the Australian Tax Office and you can tell because he has a little briefcase that says ATO on it and he is in a suit. There is an angry dog who says – $12 billion for the NDIS? And the tax dog says – well that will be $5 thanks.

The second way is to nationalise Myer. If you remember Bernie Brooks, who was the CEO of Myer was complaining about if you make people pay a $300 Medicare Levy they won’t be able to come into Myer and won’t be able to buy our overpriced crap.

In the next frame, two dogs are looking at a computer. The suggestion is we stop the boats and then sell the boats on EBay. Another Indonesian boat, says the first dog and it was so cheap says the second dog.

The fourth way is for Australia to be sponsored by gleaming idiot Tom Waterhouse. I don’t draw Tom, I just photo shop him with googly eyes because I think that’s meaner. He is saying it’s for the kids.

The fifth way Federal Cabinet could go on Celebrity Splash. There is the Prime Minister looking into a pool, I draw her as a fox. She is saying shouldn’t the pool have water in it. Most people don’t think that’s the funniest joke in that cartoon but I reckon it’s hilarious.

The sixth idea is a stupid internet comments levy, only 5 cents each time and we’ve raised $30 billion in 12 seconds, says the dog from the Treasury.

The other idea is to send the Treasury down to Cash Converters and see what we can get for Tasmania.

(loud noises in audience)

The guy at Cash Converters says $150 and it’s funny because it’s true.

(laughter)

Would you give me $150 for Tasmania?

(inaudible – audience member speaking too far away from mic).

The other suggestion is to nationalise the mines and then tax the tears of the billionaires. There are three billionaires there, one is a frog and that’s Clive Palmer. Next is to sell to NBC, the television people in the US the rights to Survivor Manes Island. Wouldn’t we all love to watch that? There are two dogs in this frame, one is probably an asylum seeker and the other is in charge because he is wearing a security guard hat and some sunglasses. The asylum seeker is saying but I want to be voted off.

The next one you probably don’t remember but there was an editorial in The Age, where no doubt an older whiter gentleman was complaining about pert breasted TV journalist, female blonde, always on his tele, always doing news and he was irritated by this. I did a joke about a pert breasted journalist bikini car wash. Look I’m not going to spend a lot of time on it because it was probably funny then, less funny now. There is a dog in the car wash making a joke about a Walkley, I did win a Walkley if anyone is interested.

The next one is to get refugees to mine Bitcoin. We’re in a call centre situation there are asylum seekers all in front of computers, the dog in charge, you know the dog is in charge because he has a shirt and tie, he is saying okay all of you just keep hitting refresh. If you know what Bitcoin is that’s hilarious, if you don’t we don’t have time to explain it. I have to explain the last one and this will take a while.

It says – do a polly peddle, oh wait, okay. What we have here, to put it bluntly that’s the Prime Ministers penis riding a bicycle.

(laughter)

I’m sorry but it is. If you remember when Tony Abbott first became opposition leader, he was always out in his budgie smugglers. Clearly, what his marketing people wanted to do was to think about his penis because it was always on tele. So instead of drawing him I used to draw it. It’s not all there, there is just a little bit peeking out the top, sorry I have to go through this. I put googly eyes on it, it’s funny. It’s wrapped in an Australian flag and it’s riding a bicycle. That’s already funny and terrible at the same time. The idea of doing a polly peddle is that when Mr Abbott was doing his polly peddles to raise money for charity he would go out and after he did them he would then come back and be reimbursed for all his expenses and all his staffs expenses by the Australian tax payer. He in fact earned more money back than he raised for charity.

So once again searing satire. I’m now going to make my way back up here. Thanks for your support while I was down here. I thought that went pretty well.

After I did this cartoon it was discussed on social media and it was pointed out to me that the little Jpeg title things don’t work with my cartoons because they’re far too long. What are they called, when the reader goes over them….those.  So people who are vision impaired get their computer to read the Jpeg title for them, tags. Anyway, don’t work on this obviously. It was suggested probably by Stella that a spoken version of the cartoon like I just did is less cabaret, might be good and I could upload that to the internet.

I was like how hard is that to do. So I recorded it, took five, ten minutes, uploaded it to the internet, and we bunged it on the website. This image here is the image that I used on the website, spoken cartoons written at the top and then there is an On Air light like in a radio station. There is me in a tuxedo I’m a dog, reading a script with a dog on it and there is an old tiny microphone. It says Radio First Dog. I did it for about six months. I didn’t get a lot of feedback so that’s you all being ungrateful. Then because the organisation I worked for was under resourced in that they didn’t hire people who knew what they were doing, I couldn’t get any stats about whether people were listening to the spoken cartoons.

Then the website broke and it was too hard to get someone to fix it so I stopped. It was all just too hard. It was too hard. It wasn’t till recently someone sent me an email saying they really enjoyed them and was I going to do them again I went oh, someone was listening that was nice. So it was your fault, that’s okay.

I’m told now that people did listen to it and I am in discussion now with The Guardian where I work now to start doing them again. That’s part of the deal coming here today, I can’t stand up here and say I’m not going to do them anymore because that would be a big crap. However in all honesty I would pretty much doing them so I could get an Order of Australia. We will need to talk a bit about that today.

I’m happy to start doing them again if you all nominate me for an Order of Australia. On the screen at the moment there is an enormous Order of Australia to First Dog on the Moon for services to being nice but perhaps a bit patronising. There is a picture of me as a dog happily receiving that Order of Australia. When I receive that Order of Australia I will humbly dedicate it to all of you except if there is any money I will keep that.

So at the same time the cartoon came out Stella did a story on the News.com.au website about the fact that every taxpayer would be paying an extra $300 a year for the NDIS and used the example of the $22,000 wheelchair.

She said in the article and on the screen at the moment is a screen grab of the article, there is a picture of Stella. The headline – $300 for Julia Gillard’s NDIS scheme, please my wheelchair costs $22,000. She says in the article the amount and type of funding you receive to have your needs met depends on where and how you acquired your impairment.

There is a dark joke among many of us who are born with their impairments – if only my parents made it look like a car accident. I read that and thought to myself this is going to be a steep learning curve for some people. Support for living with a disability depends on how you acquired it.

I thought wait till Australia finds out because this is outrageous. I remembered Stella said it in an article on news.com.au, it wasn’t going to make a difference. I think you don’t want to have your car accident in NT or Qld, you need to have it in Victoria. I counted the comments, there were about a hundred and thirty and two thirds were simply opposed to paying $300 extra a year for the NDIS. About half of those were directly affronted about paying $22,000 for a wheelchair.

Admittedly a lot of those people were angry at the Gillard Government, which means they might be more willing to fund the disability services if they like the Prime Minister. We’re not well served by politics in this country. A few people blamed boat people of course.

On the screen now is an image I used for a cartoon. At the top it says – protecting the nation from unarmed refugees and old wooden fishing boats, WE ARE BOARDER FORCE, in big super hero capital letters. That is border force, that’s four quails with little guns and amo belts and stuff because they’re like a crack team of I don’t know, refugee stoppers.

There used to be troll squad on the internet stopping cyber bullying, and before that, they were quail squad working in the environment. You can get that on a t-shirt if you want, just go to the website.

I was struck by in all of this by simply what a mean lot we can be. They’re Newscorp commentators but you never get your hopes up on that basis. I wanted to read one example. This is Carlos of Brisbane, on the screen at the moment is a simple screen grab from the comments section. He says – so now we’ve all forcibly become disability carers and I’m sorry to bring this in, you may well be familiar with this kind of language. I was just…anyway, I’ve got to read it. “We’ve all forcibly become disability carers then, I chose to lead a life with no kids but now I still have to pay for someone else’s life. If a wheelchair costs so much maybe it would be better for the Government to take a long hard look at the wheelchair industry. That might not be such a bad idea. I feel for people with disabilities but in all honesty, they’re not my concern. I have my own issues to deal with but the Government isn’t making my life any easier. All this is going to do is make even more people less tolerant of folks with disability.”

At least he is honest about his feelings. I don’t think he is necessarily right. I think it would be great to have a National conversation about the cost of all these things. Not a news.com.au version of the conversation but an actual one. I think one of the issues though is that it’s time for progressive people who don’t work in your sector to start taking responsibility for, the spoken cartoons for me at least is a good example.

It’s easy to start doing but it was also really easy to stop doing because I have not internalised the need to approach everything I do with the needs of everyone who is in or could be in my audience. So really it starts with me.

What do I think is important, I think endangered animals is important so I do a lot of cartoons for them. They even have their own Commissioner now unlike people with disabilities. The heading here is – what is wrong with this picture and on the left we have Captain Extincto, current Commissioner for endangered furry animals. There is a marsupial dressed as a super hero. On the right, we have Graham Innes former Disability Discrimination Commissioner. What’s wrong with this picture essentially is why can’t we have both, why do we have to choose? We only have a current Commissioner for endangered fury animals because Greg Hunt thinks it looks good.

This has given me an insight into how disability doesn’t just mean getting the right packages for the people, for yourself or the people you work with. Not just individual advocacy but about challenging discrimination at an organisational, legislative, National and global level.

Disability advocacy I realised is a political activity. By simply doing a job you are engaging in a political activity, educating people about the rights of people with disability, which I thought, was pretty good. And it was now everyone else’s turn to get involved.

Look I know you probably know that already or you may disagree, but have no doubt thought about it. I just thought I would come in here and say how awesome you all are really. That you really have your work cut out for you. Again, that’s not going to be news. Discrimination takes so many forms. I wanted to talk about, I know using the word brave is well-trod ground and it’s not something that people necessarily appreciate but I found this example on the Onion, which is a satirical news website.

It says, a news story headed – Love ones recall local man’s cowardly battle with cancer. It just goes on to describe how this man wasn’t brave, he gave in and it was pretty pathetic. Of course, it’s not language you ever hear. For me I’m thinking about this because I was terrified of coming in here and saying the wrong things. Clearly, what I should’ve done was put up more cartoons because they’re funny and me talking about what I actually think is a little further down the garden path. But if I call someone living with a disability brave, I don’t have to deal with it because then I have categorised somebody as not needing my help. Which you may not anyway but I’m saying that in order to make it about me and to fix me up.

As a society, we are atomised right down to placing the needs of the individual, ourselves above those of everyone else except for corporations. It’s not a finger pointing exercise but I’m blaming capitalism. The other thing about language, which I think, is so critical, political correctness, which I want to talk about briefly. Has it gone mad, in this cartoon it did.

The whole cartoon uses swear words so I can only show you a bit of it. At the hospital the heading says – political correctness is assessed by the psychiatrist and on the left side of the screen is a large yellow creature. That’s political correctness sitting in the chair and on the right is a cat wearing a shirt and a tie, that’s obviously the psychiatrist. Political correctness says – I don’t know what’s wrong with me, if I’m not weeping uncontrollably I’m laughing and laughing. The psychiatrist cat says – you appear to be out of control, you may have gone mad.

Like I have said I have genuine fear today that I have said the wrong thing, I have….

(inaudible – too far from mic)

If that’s the worse I do I think I do have a swear word in this bit. I have a responsibility to educate myself, but you know, am I brave? I’m feeling a little frightened but I just want to be respectful. I prefer to call political correctness by a more accurate name – having nice manners or just not being a dickhead. I think calling something political correctness is another way of saying I don’t want to have to consider someone else’s feelings.

In conclusion, I would like to say thank you very much indeed for asking me to come here today so I could publically workshop my thoughts and feelings around the issue of living with disability. The slide at the moment is a dog holding a sign, which says – my mind is mostly closed and I’m easily offended. But I’m going to change it to this one which is another dog holding a sign that’s says – it’s nice to be here with everyone on a sunny day.

I have had a lovely time, I hope it’s been entertaining. Of course actions speak louder than words. I will get the cartoons back on line if you all nominate me for the Order of Australia. I have also been asked to tell you you can’t hang around chatting after the shaking in the street choir who are next because you have to hurry back in your offices so you can put in the finishing touches to your submission, to the McClure Review of Australia’s Welfare system which I believe closes on Friday.

If you haven’t started you better get to it. Don’t forget to fill out the feedback sheet by ticking finale down here. Thank you very much for your time.

 

Shaking the Tree Choir

Then it was a celebration with Shaking the Tree choir who achieve musical excellence without any sacrifice of heart, soul and good fun.  The songs they chose gave difference a whole new meaning.

“They’re not a choir, they’re a movement!”

 

 

Audio podcast

 

On The Turning Away by Pink Floyd

 

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we won’t understand

Don’t accept that what’s happening
Is just a case of others’ suffering
Or you’ll find that you’re joining in
The turning away”

It’s a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting it’s shroud
Over all we have known

Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that we’re all alone
In the dream of the proud

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord

Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerised as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside

Just a world that we all must share
It’s not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there’ll be
No more turning away?

 

Strangers and Foreigners by Cath Tate

Lots of people think when they own their own home
They can keep the imigrants out of their living zone
Strangers and foreigners are everywhere
But they don’t bother me
No I don’t care

if you look at yourself then you just might find
A stranger or a foreigner in your own mind
So be kind to yourself and have some care
For strangers and foreigners everywhere
Tra la la la la

Lots of people worry deep inside their own hearts
About what other people do with their private parts
Gays and lesbians are everywhere
But they don’t bother me
No I don’t care

If you look at yourself then you just might find
You’re a little bit that way inclined
So be kind to yourself and have some care
for gays and lesbians everywhere
Tra la la la la

Cold hearts, cold minds, cold Shoulders
From people who don’t like change
We say variety is the spice of life
Then we all try to act the same
Tra la la la la

Lots of people think that they’re totally cool
As they frown upon the poor town fool
Foolish people are everywhere
But they don’t bother me
No I don’t care

If you look at yourself then you just might find
A big fat dickhead in your own mind
So be kind to yourself and have some care
For fools and dickheads everywhere
Gays and lesbians everywhere
Strangers and foreigners
Everywhere

 

Not Perfect by Tim Minchin

This is my Earth
And I live in it
It’s one third dirt and two thirds water
And it rotates and revolves through space
At rather an impressive pace
And never even messes up my hair
And here’s the really weird thing
The force created by it’s spin
Is the force that stops the chaos flooding in

This is my Earth
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect, but it’s mine
It’s not perfect

This is my country
And I live in it
It’s pretty big and nice to walk on
And the bloke who runs my country
Has built a demagoguery
And taught us to be fearful and boring
And the weirdest thing is that he is
Conservative of politics
But really rather radical of eyebrows

This is my country
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend a vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect, but it’s mine
It’s not perfect

This is my house
And I live in it
It’s made of cracks and photographs
We rent it off a guy who bought it from a guy
Who bought it from a guy
Whose granddad left it to him
And the weirdest thing is that this house
Has locks to keep the baddies out
But they’re mostly used to lock ourselves in

This is my house
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend a vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect, but it’s mine
It’s not perfect, but it’s mine

This is my body
And I live in it
It’s thirty-one and six months old
It’s changed a lot since it was new
It’s done stuff it wasn’t built to do
I often try to fill it up with wine
And the weirdest thing about it is
I spend so much time hating it
But it never says a bad word about me

This is my body
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend a vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect, but it’s mine
It’s not perfect

This is my brain
And I live in it
It’s made of love and bad song lyrics
It’s tucked away behind my eyes
Where all my screwed up thoughts can hide
Cause God forbid I hurt somebody
And the weird thing about a mind
Is that every answer that I find
Is the basis of a brand new cliche

This is my brain
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend a vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect, but it’s mine
It’s not perfect, but it’s mine
It’s not perfect
I’m not quite sure I’ve worked out how to work it
It’s not perfect, but it’s mine
But it’s mine